Saturday, November 27, 2010

Rollin' w/ Noobs

I love the word noob. Some may say it's derogatory. Yet, for me, it's a term of endearment for the beginners. I've trained in the martial arts(poorly) for 30 years. I've been a noob MANY times. Switching styles, starting over from white belt on multiple occasions - I believe I can speak for us noobs. I've heard brand new black belts in BJJ refer to themselves as whitebelts among black belts. This is so true. We are all noobs, and will continue being noobs forever!

The poor noob will make a few mistakes along the way. One of the most critical mistakes a noob may make in any martial art style is CONTROL. Rather not a mistake per se, it's something learned over time. Until that time, noobs should be treated with the respect usually reserved for an unexploded TNT pile after the detonation plunger has been pressed...

Let me draw a few pictures to explain. You may need to click to zoom.

And the match starts IBJJF style....

And the metamorphosis starts. As a rule of thumb, if your opponents pupils are spirals, one should probably sound the alarm...

Aaaand he attacks. 2000% as usual. Another sign you may be in SERIOUS danger is the "...saw on Youtube..." statement. One must be wary of the Youtube Warrior, and wear your steel gi.

Any attempts at demonic possession, or multidimensional soul extraction by your opponent should not be taken lightly.

As always treat your noobs with respect after the roll, no matter how bad you smash him...

There you have it! Be nice to noobs, you were once one!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A soldier will fight....

 ...long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.  ~Napoleon

My longtime BJJ buddy Vernoplata came over today for some cardio work. First time for him ever to train cardio with me. I warned him :)

He wants to compete in NAGA so I offered up The Bat Dojo as a place for him to expand his lungs and feel what almost dying is like. Twice a week until NAGA, Vernoplata will be over here for a lovely gut wrenching time.

Today the plan was this: three(only did two) 5 minute rounds of Tabata intervals, with 1 minute rests between rounds. NAGA rounds are 5 minutes each, we'll need to simulate NAGA pain as much as possible.
He got 2/3 rd's of the way. Not bad for his 1st try! Most people do not make it past 8 minutes. These workouts are very hard if you push yourself 100%. No shame stopping after round two.

Here's what we done did:
mini ball slams
squat thrusts
pull-up hangs by an old gi (probably the worst of the exercises)
bag tackle (basically do a double leg without your knee touching the mat)
bag spins (spin grappling dummy 360, back and forth)

Two rounds of:
20 seconds on, 10 seconds off x 10 times = 5 mintues
1 min rest between rounds

He'll probably be a bit sore tomorrow :)

p.s. as I sit here, I'm realizing I might be bit sore in the quads too. Hell yeah! 
p.s.s. post workout recovery :)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Jiu Jitsu Life...

So...I was thinking about the various characters around the many dojo's I've visited and trained at. For 30 years I've witnessed the carnage that is the "student". I of course am one of those train wrecks :)

I've decided to draw pictures(poorly) of a few examples of what one sees in a typical Americanized Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school.

The first is the Average Joe. He want's to learn self defense, and to get in shape. Does not want to be in MMA or fight in a Mexican jail for food scraps. In general he's pretty much prey for the rest of the school...

Next is the Brick Shit House. He's the mean bastard who likes to smash your guts but can't get a damn sub to save his life. Typical matches involve him laying on you for 5 minutes, then you going to the doc for compression fractures in your spine. Also, the instructor hates you for denting the mats with your face after rolling with this guy...

The fat guy. Yes, I said it. Round, rotund and impossible to get a guard on. Although he has no cardio, never underestimate his initial burst of Twinkie supplied energy. Surprisingly fast when Krispy Kreme is involved; he will roll over you uncontrollably... Watch out for your balls. (and lunch)

Every gym has a 'roid hound. The guy who claims never to have taken steroids. The military milked his breasts for some form of super soldier serum. He's strong enough to throw actual Grim Reapers at you during rolls. He has zero technique, his primary defense against your guard pass is to lift you with one hand, while shooting up an anabolic with the other. His only sub is to SCREAM; you die from the air compression smashing your atoms into a fusible mass, you then implode into a nano-sized black hole.

F*cking Noobs. These little shits will wreck you. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A NOOB. Later drawings will show why. Because they cannot tie their belts or pronounce "omoplata" correctly only means one thing: they believe their primary purpose on the mats is to have some sort of spastic-colon retard fight with you. They will attack you at 2000% during drills and try to punch your babies.

This bastard is just the huge guy in the corner no one, not even the instructor will roll with. Strong, huge and ugly; this guy will simply eat you and your pet goat. No one knows where he(or she?) came from, because no one will speak Or perhaps it just cannot speak?

The tall guy: Mr Rubber Guard Guy, Mr Spider Guard Guy, Mr. HaHa You Can't Pass My Guard Guy, Mr Triangle You All Day Guy. A message from us short people, "Fuck you".

The Token Girl. Fear her. Just because she is a girl, one should not take her lightly. She been known to blog on her website: about how she quote, "..and then I f*cking choked the ever living shit out of him for not doing the proper IBJJF handshake at the beginning of our roll. I mean come on! Even my puppy, snookie wookums knows you slap hands, then fist bump. Next time that son of a bitch rolls with me I'm going rip his cup off and gore his eye out...Love Pretty Princess"

So there it is...a few examples of what you see in a typical dojo.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

2nd Place 2010 U.S. National Sambo Championships!

4 x 6 min matches in round robin format. Only 1 single point scored on me during the whole ordeal. The bat dojo cardio saved my ass. I was burned out my last match! My head hurt; it pretty much felt like my brain had crawled clear out my ass and died infront of me. Most of cardio involved #1 grappling, #2 morning long walks and punching my heavy bag obnoxiously. That's really all I did...

One big lesson from prior tournaments in which I was able to apply: ATTACK LIKE A SCALDED APE!! This is what put 3 out of 4 guys on either their heads or their backs. The one guy I lost to, was an "A" division ringer, whom had to drop to my "B" division due to no one there for him to fight. He's a VERY experienced MMA fighter, grappler and SUPER tough dude. So, congrats to him. I was happy I still engaged with him offensively, and didn't run 1 inch from anyone.

Much thanks goes out to my jits buddies and for Reilly Bodycomb being my Sambo coach! I couldn't hear a damn thing he said during my matches, due to my Rhinoceros like grappling style...which is 98% deadbutt them until they die and 2% levitation. More importantly though, he taught me how to throw. Which is really helpful when entering a Sambo tournament hahaha :)

The following video is a reenactment of all of my matches:

Fight Video

Muchas gracias to Georgette Oden for letting The Dude and I crash at her place! We visited her school for a bit today and played around with techniques in the corner. Then a quick roll with a tough 4 stripe purple belt with a nasty spider guard. Cartwheel pass is a handy tool for this occasion :)